Looking for a marriage and family therapist can feel overwhelming. Between credentials, specialties, and personal fit, there’s a lot to consider.
Let’s break down this process into clear, actionable steps to help you find the right professional for your needs.
Check Therapist Credentials and Licensing
The first thing you need to check is licensing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) must hold a valid license to practice. These requirements aren’t just a formality. Credentials matter because they ensure your therapist has completed extensive training, including a master’s degree, supervised clinical hours (usually 2,000-4,000), and passing of state or regional licensing exams. You can verify a therapist’s license through your state’s or region’s licensing board website.
Not all therapists who work with couples and families are LMFTs. Some may be Licensed Professional Counselors (LPCs) or Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSWs) with specialized training in family therapy.
While these professionals can be excellent, make sure they have specific training and experience in working with couples and families. This can be done by reviewing their website or by having a consultation with them.
Look for Relevant Experience and Specializations
“Family therapy” is a broad term. Some therapists excel at couples work but have less experience with parent-child relationships. Others might specialize in blended families or LGBTQ+ family dynamics. Look for someone whose experience matches your specific needs. Check their website or a reputable therapist database, such as Psychology Today, for their focus areas. If their description focuses mainly on individual therapy or barely mentions couples and family work, they’re probably not your best match. You want someone who regularly works with situations like yours.
Understanding Different Therapy Approaches
As someone with a wealth of experience in various therapy techniques, including EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), I want to emphasize the importance of finding a therapist with training in approaches that align with your specific situation. What approaches will work best for you? There are four evidence-backed methods that I recommend.
These are: PREPARE/ENRICH (pre-marital or pre-committed relationship); Gottman Method (skills-based); Emotionally Focused Therapy (helps to change the interaction pattern), and Structural Family Therapy (helps to reorient the family structure and maintain family member roles, such as parents in the parent role, not the child role).
If you’re looking for pre-marital or pre-committed relationship counseling, finding a clinician trained in PREPARE/ENRICH is an excellent option. This program invites couples to complete a questionnaire about different aspects of their relationship, such as financial expectations, family planning, parenting, and family life experiences growing up. A report is generated based on the assessment findings, which the therapist will share with you during one or more follow-up sessions. You can also receive your own copy of the report of findings to review.
If you’re looking for skills-based solutions, finding a clinician who is trained or certified in the Gottman Method is a good starting point. This method originates from a researcher and clinical practitioner who has spent over 40 years of his career researching what works in couples’ relationships and what to look out for. This method is beneficial for couples seeking to strengthen their friendship while managing conflicts and creating shared meaning in their relationship. The Gottman Method has three levels of training, with the third level being the highest. To find a clinician with this kind of training, visit https://gottmanreferralnetwork.com/
If you’re looking for a method that addresses attachment and the interaction cycle you and your partner are in, then Emotionally Focused Therapy is a good place to start. This method, backed by attachment theory, is also supported by evidence-based research. You can expect your therapist to focus on emotional bonds and attachment patterns between you and your partner. This approach is beneficial for couples struggling with trust issues or emotional disconnection, as it helps identify and change destructive patterns in relationships.
Clinicians trained in this model receive excellent education and intensive training to ensure they are competent in delivering this treatment. You can expect to focus on emotional bonds and attachment patterns. This approach is suited to couples struggling with trust issues or emotional disconnection, as it helps identify and change destructive patterns in relationships. To find a clinician with this expertise, visit https://directory.iceeft.com/
Structural Family Therapy is also backed by research. Clinicians who use this method focus on shifting family patterns and hierarchies. This approach is beneficial for families struggling with boundaries and power dynamics or when children’s behavioral issues are a primary concern. To find a clinician who specializes in structural family therapy, visit https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=structural-family-therapy
Ask potential therapists about their approach and why they believe it would work for your situation. A good therapist should be able to explain this in plain language, not therapy jargon.
Insurance, Costs, and Scheduling: Practical Considerations
Before getting too invested, verify the practical aspects:
Insurance coverage (if you’re planning to use insurance)
Some specialized treatments, such as EMDR, may have different coverage terms, so be sure to check specifically what your insurance covers and what you’ll need to budget for.
Session fees and payment policies
Look for transparency about fees, including whether they offer sliding scales or payment plans for intensive treatment phases.
Available appointment times
Couple and family therapy often work best with consistent scheduling, so ensure their availability matches your family’s needs.
Office location or virtual session capabilities
Consider whether in-person or virtual sessions would work better for your family.
Length and frequency of sessions
Family sessions often run longer than individual therapy, typically 75-90 minutes, and some approaches like EMDR might require more frequent sessions initially.
What to Look for in a First Therapy Consultation
Many therapists offer brief consultations, often at a reduced or complimentary rate. Initial consultations are free and are typically 15 minutes. Use these to assess:
- Their communication style
- How comfortable you feel talking to them
- Their understanding of your concerns
- Their proposed treatment approach
There are some red flags to watch out for, too:
- Therapists who make grand promises about fixing everything quickly. Real change takes time
- Those who seem judgmental or push their personal values
- Professionals who can’t clearly explain their approach
- Anyone who appears distracted or unengaged during your conversation
How to Know If a Therapist Is Right for You
While you should feel relatively comfortable with your therapist, don’t expect instant chemistry. A good therapeutic relationship often takes 3-5 sessions to develop.
However, if you feel consistently uncomfortable or unheard after these initial sessions, it’s okay to try someone else.
During these first few sessions, notice:
- Do they remember details from your previous conversations?
- Do they maintain appropriate boundaries?
- Do they create a safe space for all family members?
- Are they skilled at managing family dynamics in sessions?
What to Avoid When Choosing a Family Therapist
As you evaluate potential therapists, there are some additional warning signs worth noting. Steer clear of:
- Unlicensed practitioners claiming to do family therapy
- Therapists who take sides in couples’ conflicts
- Those who impose their personal or religious values
- Professionals who seem too rigid in their approach
- Anyone who can’t or won’t explain their methods
- Therapists who violate confidentiality
Starting Therapy: What to Do If It’s Not Working
Never forget that you’re not married to your first choice of therapists. If, after several sessions, you feel the therapy isn’t productive, it’s perfectly acceptable to discuss your concerns and ask the therapist to adjust the approach, where possible.
If the fit still isn’t right, request a referral to another professional or seek a different therapist.
Finding the right family therapist takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. The right therapeutic relationship can bring about lasting, positive changes in your family dynamics.
Key Takeaways: Finding the Right Family Therapist
Start with credentials, narrow down your options based on experience and approach, verify the practical details, and trust your judgment about the overall fit.
Your marriage or partnership, as well as your family’s well-being, is worth the careful consideration this process requires.
If you or someone you know experiences mental health issues, it is important to seek help from a qualified professional. Our Mental Health Resource Specialists can assist you in finding expert help and support in your community. Contact us now for more information on this free service.
About the Author: Dr. Bradford Stucki is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works with adults in Utah, Virginia, and Texas who have experienced trauma in their childhoods or trauma as an adult. Dr. Stucki also has expertise in treating anxiety and relationship problems. Dr. Stucki has specialized training in working with PTSD as well as couples issues. His private practice, BridgeHope Family Therapy, is in Provo, Utah.
Frequently Asked Questions About Marriage and Family Therapy
Photo by olia danilevich: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-white-shirt-using-laptop-8524941/
The opinions and views expressed in any guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of www.rtor.org or its sponsor, Laurel House, Inc. The author and www.rtor.org have no affiliations with any products or services mentioned in the article or linked to therein. Guest Authors may have affiliations to products mentioned or linked to in their author bios.
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