Does couples therapy/marriage counseling work? For at least 70% of couples, the answer’s a resounding yes. For the remaining 30%, the outcomes are more complex.
We’ll discuss why marriage counseling works for some and doesn’t for others in a bit. First, let’s discuss why couples even try marriage counseling.
When to Consider Marriage Counseling: Key Warning Signs
Relationships are naturally complicated, but it may be time to consider therapy when they become unmanageable.
Whether it’s everyday frustrations or major life events, challenges can strain any relationship. In these tough periods, how you communicate makes all the difference.
Honest, direct, and assertive communication offers the best pathway to conflict resolution, but that’s easier said than done.
Couples will often resort to toxic communication patterns, inevitably worsening things and building resentment to the point where the joy of the relationship completely fizzles out.
Resolving these conflicts triggered by toxic communication becomes extremely difficult because you can’t discuss them properly.
Enter therapy — the hope of the common couple.
Here are some common signs that marriage counseling may help:
- Inability to agree on anything, also known as “doing the same song and dance” or “being in the same stuck loop”
- Trust issues due to secret keeping, an affair, or emotional distance
- Little or no emotional connection, also known as “living like roommates”
- Not having sex at all or having infrequent sex
- Sad days outnumber happy days
- Infidelity, whether it is physical (i.e., having a physical partner), emotional (i.e., having feelings for someone and confiding with them things you ought to be sharing with your partner), or digital (i.e., a relationship over the internet, whether it be a former partner, a stranger, or someone from an adult site).
Marriage Counseling Benefits and Challenges: What to Expect
Before you share your relationship troubles with a therapist, it’s essential to understand the pros and cons.
It’s also important to know that if success of the relationship is your priority, the pros far outweigh the cons.
Top Benefits of Marriage Counseling
A Neutral Third Party
Remember when you tried to explain to your partner why leaving wet towels on the bed is a crime against humanity, and they looked at you like you were speaking Klingon?
A counselor can translate in ways you can’t. They provide an unbiased perspective and help both partners feel heard and understood.
Learning new communication skills
Many of us enter relationships with communication skills we learned from our families — for better or worse.
A therapist can teach you new ways to express yourself that don’t involve eye-rolling, sarcasm, or interpretive dance.
Addressing underlying issues
Sometimes, what seems like a fight about dirty dishes is really about feeling undervalued or overwhelmed — but that’s hard to see while you’re the main character in the thick of the plot.
Therapists can use different methods, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), to help you dig deeper and address the root causes of conflicts.
Potential Challenges of Couples Therapy
It can be expensive
Quality counseling often comes with a hefty price tag. Some couples actually argue about the cost of professional counseling. Some insurance plans cover couples counseling, so check your policy to see what’s included.
Pro tip: If cost is a concern, consider budget-friendly options. For example, you may have your insurance cover part of the expense.
Requires hard work
Counseling isn’t a quick fix. It requires commitment and hard work from both partners. You might be disappointed if you’re looking for a drive-thru solution to your relationship problems.
It’s not comfortable
Opening up about your deepest fears and insecurities to a stranger (and your partner) can feel about as comfortable as wearing wet socks to bed.
It’s not always a pleasant process and may take months to get to, but unlike the socks analogy, rebuilding an emotional connection is worth it.
What Makes Marriage Counseling Successful?
The point of difference between therapy that works and therapy that doesn’t is the motivation of the couple concerned.
If one partner isn’t invested in the process, success becomes unlikely. If neither partner is invested, therapy simply won’t work.
Getting the most out of couples therapy requires dedication and willingness from both partners. Like paddling a canoe, it takes a combined effort to move things forward.
When Marriage Counseling Works by Helping You Part Ways
Sometimes, the healthiest outcome of marriage counseling is separation. This doesn’t signify a failure of counseling. Instead, it indicates that both individuals, through clear and healthy communication, have arrived at a different, albeit potentially challenging, resolution.
The primary goal of marriage counseling is to help you and your partner identify and address burdensome issues effectively. When this process leads to reconciliation and a stronger bond (as it often does), it’s a positive outcome.
If counseling leads to separation, it demonstrates that you’re both honoring your authentic selves and needs—even though that’s difficult. This self-awareness and honesty, even when it leads to parting ways, is a form of success in its own right.
In the end, effective counseling is about empowering couples to make informed decisions about their future, whether that means rekindling their relationship or respectfully ending it.
The true measure of success lies in achieving clarity, understanding, and personal growth, regardless of the outcome.
If you or someone you know experiences mental health issues, it is important to seek help from a qualified professional. Our Mental Health Resource Specialists can assist you in finding expert help and support in your community. Contact us now for more information on this free service.
About the Author: Dr. Bradford Stucki is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works with adults in Utah, Virginia, and Texas who have experienced trauma in their childhoods or trauma as an adult. Dr. Stucki also has expertise in treating anxiety and relationship problems. Dr. Stucki has specialized training in working with PTSD as well as couples issues. His private practice, BridgeHope Family Therapy, is in Provo, Utah.
Photo by Timur Weber: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-couple-having-an-argument-in-front-of-the-person-wearing-black-blazer-8560009/
The opinions and views expressed in any guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of www.rtor.org or its sponsor, Laurel House, Inc. The author and www.rtor.org have no affiliations with any products or services mentioned in the article or linked to therein. Guest Authors may have affiliations to products mentioned or linked to in their author bios.
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