Sobriety is often described as an emotional minefield. When the numbing effects of alcohol or drugs wear off, what’s left can be overwhelming. For many, sobriety feels like standing in front of a mirror after years of avoiding eye contact. Seeing yourself as you are can feel vulnerable, raw, and, more often than not, extremely confusing.
While everyone’s path through sobriety is different, there are some common emotions that surface during sobriety for most people. In this blog, we’ll explore some of the feelings you may experience and how to deal with emotions during sobriety in a healthy way.
Guilt
Guilt is probably one of the most common emotions during sobriety. As you start looking back on the things you’ve done while you were under the influence: missed birthdays, broken promises, and harsh words, you’ll feel this emotion bubbling up from deep within. As you relive these moments, you’ll also feel a strong desire to make amends.
So, what can you do? You can start by being honest about it. You’ll probably need to have a few hard conversations or write some letters you’ll be scared to send. Moreover, you’ll need to consistently show up and maintain your presence over time to rebuild the trust you’ve broken. Learning how to deal with emotions in sobriety, such as guilt, takes patience, accountability, and consistency.
Shame
While shame is closely tied to guilt, it often runs deeper. Guilt is typically about acknowledging that you’ve done something wrong; shame is the little voice in the back of your head whispering: “I am something wrong.” Shame can linger beneath the surface, making you question your worth, identity, and place in the world. For many, shame was there long before substances entered the picture, and it can stay for a long time.
In mental health and sobriety, confronting shame often means going back to its roots. Therapy, support groups, or even quiet reflection can help untangle the stories you’ve told yourself for years. Finally, when you realize you’re more than your worst mistakes, you can begin the healing process.
Grief
Most people struggling with sobriety don’t even realize that one of the emotions during sobriety they’re feeling is grief. When you feel grief in sobriety, you’re mourning the loss of the substance and grieving the person you thought you were and the time you’ve lost. In other words, you’re saying goodbye to old friends, even if they were a bad influence, and to routines, no matter how unhealthy they were.
It’s also important to note that grief can come in waves. Sometimes, it can be powerful and precise, such as a feeling of loss over those crazy nights out that you’ll never experience again. At other times, it’s vague and hard to pinpoint, like a dull ache in the background. When dealing with emotions during sobriety such as grief, it’s essential to let yourself experience the feeling without rushing to ‘fix’ it. Emotional processing takes time and self-compassion.
Anxiety
Another on the list of common emotions during sobriety is anxiety. Without substances to dull the nervous system, this emotion tends to spike. For some, it’s physiological and related to withdrawal symptoms, with your heart racing and a tight chest. For others, it’s the emotional weight of trying to figure out life again: “How do I go to a party?” “Can I handle this job?” and “What if I mess up again?”
While you were using, anxiety was most likely one of those feelings you’ve wanted to drown out, the feelings you were trying to run from. Even as you’re going through recovery, anxiety can be a trigger for a drink or a fix, making you want to relapse.
However, there is some good news. If you manage to resist these urges, your body and mind will eventually recalibrate over time. What initially felt unbearable will become manageable. And, eventually, it might even feel like clarity. Addressing anxiety is a key part of balancing mental health and sobriety.
Loneliness
Early sobriety can be incredibly isolating. For instance, most people going through sobriety have distanced themselves from old friends who still use. Furthermore, their definition of “fun” often needs to be rewritten from scratch. As a result, you might sometimes feel completely alone, even when you’re surrounded by other people.
This is why connection is crucial. You don’t have to attend 12-step meetings, though that works for many. To start, a friend who checks in regularly, a sober online community, or a therapist who gets it can be enough. The key is finding people who meet you where you are with no judgment or pressure. Feeling lonely is one of the emotions during recovery that improves the most with support.
Anger
When you’re in recovery, chances are you’re angry at the world, at yourself, at the people who didn’t help or didn’t care. Maybe you’re angry that this is your path at all. After years of stuffing it down, the anger has nowhere to go but out.
Rather than fearing anger, try to understand what it’s telling you. Anger often masks deeper feelings, such as hurt, betrayal, and fear. Expressing anger in safe ways, such as journaling, therapy, or body movement, can prevent it from festering into resentment. For managing mental health and sobriety, learning to work with anger instead of against it is vital.
Pride
Pride doesn’t always get the spotlight among common emotions during sobriety. However, staying sober, even for one day, takes courage. Waking up and choosing not to numb yourself takes strength. The early days require a kind of grit most people will never fully understand. So, let yourself feel proud. That pride can become a foundation to stand on when other emotions feel too loud. It’s a crucial part of dealing with emotions in sobriety, recognizing your growth and celebrating it.
Feel Your Emotions
Unlike substance use, sobriety is a full-spectrum emotional experience. Many emotions can surface during sobriety. So, chances are, you’ll feel everything you’ve been avoiding, plus some new emotions you didn’t expect.
However, there’s also a strange kind of magic in it. When you stop running from your feelings, you can see what they’ve been trying to teach you all along. That’s why learning how to deal with emotions during sobriety is not just a survival skill—it’s part of your transformation.
Don’t forget: emotions aren’t your enemy. They’re part of the healing and an essential part of improving both mental health and sobriety.
If you or someone you know experiences mental health issues, it is important to seek help from a qualified professional. Our Mental Health Resource Specialists can assist you in finding expert help and support in your community. Contact us now for more information on this free service.
About the Author: Kazar Markaryan is the co-founder of Tranquility Recovery Center, where his passion for supporting individuals on their path to lasting sobriety is at the heart of everything he does. With a deep understanding of the challenges and triumphs that come with recovery, Kazar brings compassion, lived experience, and a commitment to personalized care to the forefront of his work.
References
- https://twilightrecoverycenter.com/emotions-in-addiction-recovery
- https://www.olalla.org/addiction-recovery-blog/navigating-new-emotional-states-in-recovery/#:~:text=Anger%20is%20not%20the%20only,re%20getting%20your%20life%20back.
- https://brcrecovery.com/blog/coping-with-emotions-in-early-sobriety
- https://blog.womensconsortium.org/understanding-and-providing-grief-support-to-people-in-recovery
Photo by Mushtaq Hussain: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-looking-at-the-lake-9859390/
The opinions and views expressed in any guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of www.rtor.org or its sponsor, Laurel House, Inc. The author and www.rtor.org have no affiliations with any products or services mentioned in the article or linked to therein. Guest Authors may have affiliations to products mentioned or linked to in their author bios.
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