Big feelings are a regular part of growing up. For neurodivergent children and teens with autism and ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder), these intense emotions can rise quickly and take longer to settle. A slight change in plans, a confusing homework instruction, or a noisy room can suddenly feel like too much for their nervous systems.
Parents and caregivers are often caught in the middle of these moments, trying to stay calm and help while feeling overwhelmed themselves.
Neurodivergent is a word used to describe people whose brains process information differently. Many kids with ADHD and autism experience emotions that rise quickly and settle slowly. What looks like a minor frustration from the outside can feel huge on the inside, especially when they are tired, overstimulated, or confused.
One parent described her 10-year-old son with ADHD like this: he can be giggling at a joke one minute and then suddenly throw the pencil across the room when the homework gets confusing. Later, when he calms down, he will joke that the math sheet was “evil numbers attacking his brain.” The feelings are real, but the jokes help mother and son reconnect.
Used gently and thoughtfully, humor can help defuse these difficult moments. It will not erase challenges, and it is never about making light of your child’s struggles. But shared laughter can reduce tension, restore connection, and help children and teens feel safer when emotions feel overwhelming.
Why Humor Can Help
Humor is more than a distraction. It can shift what is happening in the body and brain in real time. When we laugh, the body tends to release feel-good chemicals and lower stress hormones. Muscles relax. Breathing often becomes deeper and slower. For kids who spend a lot of time in fight, flight, or freeze, even a short burst of laughter can give their nervous systems a small reset.
Autistic children often prefer predictable humor—repeated jokes or familiar movie lines. Sarcasm and teasing typically don’t work well because they require reading tone and intent. Children with ADHD often use humor to maintain focus or ease social anxiety.
How Humor Supports Emotional Regulation in Neurodivergent Kids
Humor will not work in every situation, but when it does, it can be a valuable tool for emotional regulation in neurodivergent children and teens, helping them recover from distress more quickly.
Humor helps release tension
Before a meltdown or shutdown, you may notice early signs of stress such as a stiff posture, sharp tone of voice, or “I don’t care” comments. A gentle, familiar joke in that early window can sometimes lower the intensity just enough to keep things from building further. This might be a silly voice, a playful face at the family pet, or a shared joke you have used before.
A father shared that when his autistic daughter started to get rigid about a small change in routine, he would quietly say, “Alert! We have a schedule malfunction,” in a mock robot voice. That tiny bit of silliness helped her pause long enough to say what she was really worried about.
Humor builds connection and safety
Shared laughter is one of the simplest ways to say, “We are on the same team.” Neurodivergent kids often receive a lot of correction at school or in social settings. Home can easily become another place where they feel they are always “too much.” Gentle, shared humor reminds them that they are not a problem to be fixed; they are a person who is loved, even when emotions are big.
One mom and her 12-year-old autistic son had an ongoing joke about a grumpy dragon that showed up when he was tired. When he started snapping after school, she would say softly, “Is that you or the grumpy dragon talking right now?” Sometimes he would smirk and say, “The dragon,” giving them a way to talk about rest and snacks without blame.
Humor makes coping skills easier to remember
Giving coping skills silly names or playful associations helps children remember them in moments of stress. Deep breathing can become “dragon breaths.” A calming box of sensory items can become the “superhero kit.” When coping tools feel playful and familiar, kids are more likely to reach for them.
Using Humor Safely and Respectfully
Humor should never be used to make fun of your child’s feelings or behavior, shame them, or replace critical conversations about safety or serious issues. If your child says, “It is not funny,” looks more upset, or pulls away, it is essential to stop. In that moment, they need a calm presence and validation more than jokes.
Timing matters too. Humor works best when used early, as tension starts to rise, after your child has calmed down from intense emotions, or during peaceful moments when you practice coping skills together. It is rarely helpful at the peak of a meltdown, when your child’s nervous system is in full crisis mode.
Every child has a different sense of humor. Some love physical silliness. Others prefer clever jokes, memes, or gentle wordplay. Sensory sensitivities matter too. Loud or sudden noises can feel painful for some kids. Watching what naturally makes your child smile or laugh is the best guide.
Practical Ways to Use Humor with Your Child
You do not have to be a comedian to use humor in a healing way. Small, consistent moments can make a meaningful difference over time. You might try:
- Watching a short, funny clip together after a hard task as a shared decompression ritual.
- Turning routines into mini games, such as racing the timer to put on pajamas.
- Letting a favorite stuffed animal or character “speak up” during difficult conversations.
Laughing Together, Healing Together
Humor will not make autism, ADHD, or big emotions disappear, but a shared smile, a familiar joke, or a silly voice can help release tension, restore a sense of safety, and remind a child or teen that they are not facing their feelings alone.
Emotional regulation is a long-term process. As you experiment with gentle, respectful humor, you are not trying to fix your child. You are offering them one more way to feel safe, seen, and connected.
About the Author: Dr. Darren O’Reilly is a Chartered Psychologist (UK) and Clinical Director of AuDHD Psychiatry. He works with neurodivergent adults, children, and families, with a focus on practical, compassionate approaches to ADHD and autism.
Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
The opinions and views expressed in any guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of www.rtor.org or its sponsor, Laurel House, Inc. The author and www.rtor.org have no affiliations with any products or services mentioned in the article or linked to therein. Guest Authors may have affiliations to products mentioned or linked to in their author bios.
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