How to Change Unhealthy Habits: What a Therapist Learned from Hundreds of Clients

When people come to see me in my therapy practice, they rarely start by talking about habits. They come because they feel stuck. Because they’ve tried to stop doing something that no longer serves them, yet they keep going back. Gambling, overeating, vaping, compulsive scrolling – anxiety-driven behaviors that seem to happen before they’ve even had time to think.

At first, these problems appear very different. But after years of working with people from all walks of life, I began to notice something striking — beneath the surface, the same pattern kept showing up.

Different Unhealthy Habits, Same Underlying Pattern

For most people struggling with unhealthy habits, the problem isn’t lack of insight. Many of those I work with are deeply self-aware. They know what they’re doing. They know it’s not helping. Some have read extensively, tried techniques, or even blamed themselves for not having enough willpower.

And yet, in the moment, the behavior still happens.

That was the part that stayed with me. Not the behavior itself, but how automatic it felt for them.

They would describe reaching for a vape, only to realize it was in their hand. Opening an app without remembering picking up their phone. Eating without hunger. Repeating the same emotional reactions even after years of trying to “think differently.”

At some point, it became clear that these weren’t failures of motivation or discipline. Something deeper was driving the process.

What Changed My Understanding of Unhealthy Habits

The shift came when I stopped asking, “Why can’t this person stop?”
and started asking, “What is their mind trying to do for them?”

That question reframed everything.

What I began to see was that these behaviors weren’t random or pointless. They were learned responses, automatic patterns the brain had built over time to manage discomfort, stress, or emotional overload.

Once a behavior provides relief, even briefly, the brain remembers it. Not consciously, but at a deeper level. Over time, that response becomes the default reaction whenever a similar feeling appears.

That’s when I realized that most of the suffering I was seeing wasn’t caused by the behavior itself, but by an unseen pattern running underneath it.

Why Willpower Fails When You Try to Change Unhealthy Habits

Many people believe change should happen through effort: more discipline, more motivation, more control. But if human behavior were purely a matter of conscious choice, most of us wouldn’t struggle the way we do.

The truth is, much of human behavior operates below conscious awareness. When stress rises or attention narrows, the brain falls back on what it knows best, familiar patterns that once offered relief.

That’s why people can fully understand what they “should” do and still feel unable to do it. The decision isn’t always happening at a conscious level.

Once I understood this, the idea of simply “trying harder” stopped making sense.

The Moment Changing Unhealthy Habits Becomes Possible

Real change begins when you recognize the automatic pattern—not by fighting it, but by seeing it clearly.

When someone becomes aware of how and when a behavior starts, space opens up. That space, however small, is where choice returns.

This is where meaningful change begins. Not by fighting the habit, but by interrupting it. Not by judging the behavior, but by understanding what it’s trying to do.

Over time, when the mind no longer needs the old response to cope, the behavior naturally loosens its grip.

Why Understanding Unhealthy Habits Matters

What I’ve learned is that most people aren’t broken, weak, or lacking discipline. They’re responding exactly as their nervous system has learned to respond.

When you understand that, the problem stops being a personal failure and becomes something workable.

And that understanding, the shift from self-blame to awareness, is often the first real step toward lasting change.

Over time, I began to recognize this pattern for what it really was – the same cycle repeating itself beneath different behaviors. A familiar feeling arises, an automatic response follows, and brief relief reinforces the pattern until it becomes ingrained.

This is what I’ve come to understand as a habit loop. Not a moral failing or a lack of control, but a learned response the nervous system returns to again and again. What once felt like a personal flaw starts to look like a pattern that can be understood, interrupted, and ultimately reshaped.

When Your Body’s Protection System Creates Unhealthy Habits

If the human body is so remarkably adaptable, capable of surviving, adjusting, and thriving in countless environments, why is it also so susceptible to falling into habit loops that can lead to stress, addiction, weight gain, or phobias?

Because the body isn’t designed to judge what’s good or bad for us; it’s designed to keep us safe and conserve energy.

Our nervous systems are built to learn from repetition. When a behavior reduces discomfort or provides even brief relief, the brain takes note. It stores that response as efficient, reliable, and worth repeating. Over time, that response becomes automatic, not because it’s healthy, but because it once worked.

This ability to automate behavior is actually one of the body’s greatest strengths. It allows us to move through the world without constantly analysing every decision. But the same system that helps us survive can also lock us into patterns that no longer serve us. In a modern environment filled with constant stimulation and stress, those old survival mechanisms can attach themselves to habits that create harm rather than safety.

So the issue isn’t that the body is flawed, it’s that it’s doing exactly what it evolved to do — to conserve energy through automatic responses. It’s simply applying an ancient subconscious survival strategy to a modern world it was never designed for.

The Path Forward

If you recognize yourself in any of this—the automatic reach for relief, the pattern you can’t seem to interrupt, the frustration of knowing what you should do but feeling unable to do it—you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not broken.

Understanding that your unhealthy habits are learned responses rather than character flaws changes everything. It shifts the question from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What is this behavior trying to do for me?” And that question opens the door to real, lasting change.

Change doesn’t require perfection or superhuman willpower. It begins with awareness—noticing the moment before the automatic response kicks in. That small space of recognition, however brief, is where choice lives. Over time, as you understand what drives the pattern and learn new ways to meet those needs, the old behavior naturally loosens its grip.

The nervous system that learned these patterns can also learn new ones. With patience, self-compassion, and often the support of someone trained to help navigate these shifts, the behaviors that once felt impossible to change can become workable, understandable, and ultimately transformable.

Struggling with patterns that feel hard to break? Our Resource Specialists offer free, confidential support to help you find the right resources and next steps.

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About the Author: Darren is a London-based hypnotherapist and the founder of Stop Hypnosis(brand link to homepage). After spending more than 25 years in high-pressure corporate environments, he witnessed firsthand the toll that chronic stress, anxiety, and burnout can take on people’s mental and emotional wellbeing. Motivated by a desire to help others break free from these patterns, he transitioned into hypnotherapy and has since spent years supporting clients in overcoming deeply ingrained habits, stress-related challenges, and behavioral patterns.

Photo by ArtHouse Studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/fog-over-sea-shore-with-woman-4641104/

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