For many neurodivergent people, the deepest wound is not a single symptom but a lifetime of being misunderstood—or never understood at all. When your inner world doesn’t match what clinicians, educators, or society expect, suffering accumulates quietly. Shame, guilt, depression, loneliness, fear, and anxiety don’t appear overnight; they develop through years of confusion, mislabeling, and the persistent sense of being “less than” without knowing why.
What Is Neurodivergence?
Neurodivergence refers to natural variations in how brains function—including autism, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, and other neurological differences that affect how people process information, regulate emotions, and experience the world. It’s not a deficit or disorder to be cured, but a different way of being that often goes unrecognized when it doesn’t fit narrow clinical stereotypes.
For countless people, the issue isn’t a wrong diagnosis—it’s no diagnosis at all. Therapies don’t help. Medications offer little relief or make things worse. Labels feel close but never quite right, or never appear. You’re told you’re functional, articulate, capable. You work, maintain relationships, meet expectations. On paper, nothing looks severe. Yet your quality of life steadily declines. Something is driving the train, but no one knows what makes it run.
The Overlap Between Neurodivergence and Trauma
There is significant overlap among post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and complex PTSD, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), ADHD, and autism—especially when autism co-occurs with ADHD. Though categorized separately, the lived experience often includes chronic nervous system activation, intrusive or racing thoughts, emotional dysregulation, sensory overload, executive dysfunction, and a constant feeling of being out of sync with the world.
When these overlaps go unrecognized—or when people are told their experiences don’t qualify as trauma or neurodivergence—the cost is profound. Trauma isn’t defined only by obvious catastrophe; it’s shaped by how the nervous system processes threat, overwhelm, invalidation, and chronic environmental mismatch. Growing up misunderstood, unsupported, or forced to override your wiring can be deeply traumatic, even if no one ever names it.
When Misdiagnosis Becomes Traumatic
Without an accurate framework, people fall through the cracks. They are considered too “high functioning” for care, too verbal to be believed, too successful to raise concern. They cycle through treatments that address surface symptoms while missing the root cause. Anxiety is treated without acknowledging sensory overload. Depression is addressed without recognizing lifelong executive dysfunction. Emotional regulation is expected from nervous systems that have been in survival mode for decades.
Self-Diagnosis as Survival, Not Trend
This diagnostic blind spot has fueled a quiet but significant shift: the rise of self-diagnosis—not as a trend, but as a lifeline.
For many, self-diagnosis is careful and hard-won, emerging from years of research, reflection, and pattern recognition. It’s often the first time someone feels seen, the first time their experiences make sense, the first time their struggles are contextualized rather than moralized. In systems that routinely miss autism, ADHD, and trauma—especially in women and marginalized genders—self-diagnosis can be a crucial step toward self-compassion and recovery.
Why Autism and ADHD Are Still Misunderstood
This is particularly true for autism and ADHD, where outdated stereotypes still dominate. Autism is assumed to mean social withdrawal or incapacity. ADHD is expected to look like visible hyperactivity or disruption. If you don’t fit these images, the door often closes.
In reality, autistic people can be socially skilled, empathetic, capable, and independent. ADHD may manifest not as outward chaos but as relentless internal motion—the hyperactivity living in the mind, not the body. The cost is paid privately through exhaustion, burnout, overwhelm, and self-doubt.
We focus so heavily on outward markers that we miss the internal toll. Someone may appear calm while their mind never slows. Someone may be accomplished while expending enormous energy compensating for disorganization, sensory overload, or emotional intensity. Someone may be socially adept while masking constantly and collapsing afterward.
From Shame to Self-Understanding
I was told early on that I couldn’t have ADHD because I wasn’t hyperactive and could concentrate. No one considered cognitive hyperactivity. Years later, discovering I had ADHD—along with rejection sensitive dysphoria—reframed my life. That understanding was further clarified by recognizing PTSD and complex PTSD. My brain hadn’t been running at full speed because I was flawed or lazy; it had been running for survival.
That realization didn’t remove the challenges, but it removed the shame. It turned self-blame into self-understanding.
Understanding What Drives the Train
Understanding what drives the train restores agency. It shifts the question from “Why can’t I cope like everyone else?” to “What has my nervous system been responding to all this time?” For many, that understanding comes not from clinicians but from trusting their own lived experience.
Self-diagnosis is not the enemy of healing. Silence, dismissal, and misrecognition are. Until systems evolve to reflect the full spectrum of neurodivergence and trauma, people will continue to name themselves in order to survive.
About the Author: Helaina Hovitz Regal is a journalist, author, editor and content consultant. Her bylines span more than 50 publications, where she’s built a trusted voice covering health, wellness, trauma recovery, anxiety, and resilience—especially in children and teens. A dedicated mental health advocate and speaker, Helaina is known for transforming difficult subjects into hopeful human stories. www.HelainaHovitz.com
Editor’s Note: The Value of Professional Assessment
While self-recognition of neurodivergent traits can be an essential first step toward understanding and self-compassion—especially for those who haven’t been recognized or understood by clinicians—self-diagnosis carries meaningful risks alongside its benefits. Mental health conditions and neurodevelopmental differences often share overlapping symptoms that require specialized training to differentiate. ADHD can present similarly to borderline personality disorder or trauma responses, while autism may be confused with social anxiety. Without professional assessment, individuals may miss co-occurring conditions or delay accessing appropriate support that could significantly improve quality of life.
Competent professional assessment doesn’t invalidate personal experiences—it provides a framework for accurate understanding and effective intervention. A skilled clinician can identify comorbidities, rule out physical conditions that mimic mental health symptoms, and create a comprehensive treatment plan. For those who have used self-diagnosis as a starting point, we encourage sharing your insights with a qualified mental health professional. This collaborative approach honors both lived experience and clinical expertise, creating the best pathway toward healing and support.
Need Help with a Diagnosis or Assessment?
If you’re seeking a diagnosis or professional support for autism, ADHD, or other neurodivergent conditions, our Resource Specialists can connect you with qualified providers and help you navigate the process.
Photo by Mike van Schoonderwalt: https://www.pexels.com/photo/white-jigsaw-puzzle-5484720/
The opinions and views expressed in any guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of www.rtor.org or its sponsor, Laurel House, Inc. The author and www.rtor.org have no affiliations with any products or services mentioned in the article or linked to therein. Guest Authors may have affiliations to products mentioned or linked to in their author bios.
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